5 things to know before you start dating

In a world of dating, it is always easy to just start dating. You require no introduction to yourself or so it seems. I believe that asking yourself the question, ‘who am I?’ is a good start. Because if you don’t know who you are, you will fall for anyone. Yes, I know that most of us have a type of people we date, but what type of person are you? You can take some personality tests online. Some of them are free. These tests will help you to know the deep inner parts of you including the blind spots you were not even aware of.

When all we do is look outwards, it is easy to underestimate the inner life we all possess. Can you describe yourself to anyone including you? Do you know your weaknesses and your strengths? What are your triggers? What makes you happy and angry? Are you aware of your temperaments or you are just looking to get laid? Dating requires that you be vulnerable of the way you look at yourself; the good, the bad and the ugly.

If you look at online profiles, they seem generic and boring these days. We have given up on our unique traits and the little quirks that we have. If you don’t describe yourself even to yourself, you become anyone for everyone. The person you are looking for can look at your compatibility. If you are not compatible, it doesn’t matter how beautiful or handsome they are. There is nothing there. There is a need for the common ground.

We are all obsessed with looking our best and being the best at all times. But if you want to date, you have to become vulnerable. A lot of people run away from vulnerability because it makes us feel like we are not in control. But if you want to share your life with someone, why do you want to stay stoic and a little weird? That will create distance between the two of you and you will lose them. Be honest, have open communication and be open minded.

Of course it takes time to get there, but the more reluctant you are to being vulnerable, the longer it takes to truly know the other person. It’s better to know they are not for you earlier in the game than to spend years with a person you are not sure about it. Time waits for no man. Are you able to lose control for the person you love?

I once dated a guy who always spoke the truth, the most brutal truth and I hated it. Happy to say, it’s over. I couldn’t take another day of ‘honesty’. Yes, we all require the person we are dating to be truthful and honest but being truthful and honesty without kindness is cruel. It means you can say anything and everything without a filter and it leads to conflict and arguments. Would you take it if it was reversed?

There is a love language. The little lies that makes a girl feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. The little half-truths that make a man believe that is the best, ever. When you tell your fat partner that they look slim today because you know how hard they are working on losing weight. Let’s be honest; we don’t do half-truths with just our dates, but people we care about. It’s a love language and we need it. It makes us feel like we are on top of the world and it boosts our confidence.

There is a scary world of manosphere these days. Misogyny dressed as dating and relationships advice. Men are being advised to hold back, to treat women as you do a rugged doll and to be quick to discard. They call that winning. But I don’t see healthy, happy relationships. When a man or woman you are dating goes the extra mile, to make you happy, feel seen and cared for, it’s easy to fall in love.

Yes, self-control is going the extra mile. Like I said, we have a toxic dating culture where anything goes so now self-control is attractive. It is like going the extra mile even though it was one of the foundations of a relationship not so long ago. It’s choosing the one person to spend your life with but most people would rather keep an eye out for the next best thing. There is always going to be the next best thing. If you want to succeed in dating, go the extra mile. Not just with self-control but with all that you do for him or her.